Today’s snippet is about improving and mastering our EQ. EQ is regarded as the most important Quotient, even surpassing IQ (just like how being kind is better than being right). Best definition of EQ comes from Daniel Goleman who said that “Emotional Intelligence is the ability to identify, assess and control one’s own emotion, the emotion of others and that of groups”. As such even in personal branding under its formula of N (noticeability) + L (Likeability) + C (Credibility), the likeability factor is based on your mastery of EQ. You cannot be a branded person without EQ because no one is attracted to a brand that is insensitive, cold, impersonal and without empathy.
In Goleman’s study, he attributes EQ as having 4 components or pillars. The first one is Self Awareness. This is the ability for you to recognize, understand and react positively to your moods, emotions and drives, and how those things will have an effect on the people around you or the people you come into contact with. We can refer to this component as ‘externalization’ because of the high impact it has when you amp your self-awareness (since it relates to the process of transforming your thoughts into actions/external forms).
The second is Self Management. This refers to your ability to control or redirect/rechannel disruptive impulses or negative feelings and the propensity (how you regulate) to suspend judgment. Simply put, this is the part where you can think before you say or do anything. A good mastery of this will make you a wise person, more than just intelligent. The way you improve your self-management is to be constantly mindful of your own state. The longer you can extend the gap between an emotional trigger and a well-thought-of response the better it will be. So an emotional outburst is the opposite of this quality.
The third is Empathy. This is your ability to understand and appreciate the emotional condition of other people and having the skill to treat them according to their emotional state. In a group setting, to have empathy is to manage one’s ego because empathy in a group setting involves blending in and being of value. We call this ‘Ego Dissolution’ (so you learn a new term here). Being brash is therefore the opposite of empathy. Upon mastery of empathy, you will be able to relate to anyone and to become more helpful, generous and selflessness.
The fourth is Social skills. EQ is principally a communication quality. It explains why some people can interact better than others. I regard this 4th component as the EQ capstone because this last part brings together your self-awareness, self-management and empathy rolling into one. In essence, this is putting EQ into practice. A good general tip for social skills is to ‘listen to understand’ rather than to respond. Social skills are also the key ingredient when you are building charisma and is a necessary skill if you would like to influence others. Among all the components of EQ, this is probably the most noticeable output as you can easily spot an EQ-deficient person from the way he or she behaves in a social setting. EQ is not complete without all the above 4 complementing each other. But once you have developed a high EQ level, you are guaranteed to be respected and loved wherever you are. So people, improve your EQ by consciously practicing it and observing those with good EQs on how they apply it. You all can do it !
This snippet sharing session was delivered on Saturday 17 July 2021.